THE SEVENTY SONG

Today I'm turning seventy and start a decade new.

I've spent a lifetime learning all the things I should not do.

Do not enter, do not exit, and do not watch the clock.

Do not think that you know best nor wear a shoe without a sock.

 

You must eat what you are given and always clean your plate.

Never be conspicuous and don't let yourself be late.

Leave those cookies on the shelf, do not put them in your cart.

Never belch in public and for god’s sake never fart.

 

Don't be loud, don't be messy, never let them see you cry,

Don't be nosy or too cosy, and don't be asking why.

You must not cuss in public, no that would never do

For you will shock the young folks if your language is too blue.

 

You must be seen as busy or they will call you lazy

Don't talk out loud to only you or they will call you crazy.

Don't drive faster than the sign says but it's worse to drive too slow

Don't be silly and don't giggle, it's not dignified you know.

 

Don't be boastful, don't be petty, never cut in line,

Don't interrupt, don't talk too much, don't dribble when you dine.

You must really never do this, and that is really awful.

And you’re way too old for cannabis even though it now is lawful.

 

Don't forget to ask permission. No running in the hall!

Yes, today I'm turning seventy…and I plan to do them all.