THIS IS WHY I SHOP AT YARD SALES!

I recently made a brief foray into retail shopping. Found some undies on sale at TJ Maxx, and figured I should upgrade the bra supply as well. A few days later a catalog arrived with my favorite brand on sale. Went to their website to order, but the sale prices there were higher than in the catalog. So I picked up the dreaded telephone (I think hating the phone has a genetic component, my sister is the same way) and ordered. About 10 days later a package arrived, holding two of the three bras I had ordered. The paperwork promised the other would arrive shortly.

I waited.

It didn't arrive.

I finally sent a message via their website explaining the problem. I would appreciate receiving my order soon.

The next day I received this email:
Date: Mon, 2 Feb 2009
Subject: Email Research (KMM7396312I15977L0KM)
Thank you for your email. We have looked at your issue but will need to get additional assistance from our Customer Service department. We appreciate your patience and will respond back to you as soon as possible.

Days passed. I emailed again:
Fri 2/06/09
I have received no further information from you, and I have not received my merchandise. I found my order confirmation number: 696-904-253 Missing item: SPORTS BRA 1 CH1691CH - WHITE INSTOCK Original order was on 1/13/09 and should have been delivered within 2 weeks (your promise). Please resend immediately, and I think you should upgrade the shipping on this item since I have waited so long. Thank you for your immediate attention.

Later that day:
Subject: Thank you for your inquiry. (KMM7411890I15977L0KM)
We have received your email. Your email is in queue to be answered by the next available agent. We will respond to you as soon as possible.

Sat 2/07/09 12:13 AM
I have now waited another 24 hours and received no further information. Please send me my merchandise.

Later that day:
Subject: Thank you for your inquiry. (KMM7411890I15977L0KM)
We have received your email. Your email is in queue to be answered by the next available agent. We will respond to you as soon as possible.

That was Saturday. I dashed out to the mailbox between rain showers and a miracle had occured--my long awaited package was there. The next day I sent another email.

Sun 2/08/09
I am sure this will receive nothing more than the same automated response I have now gotten several times. I finally received my missing bra in yesterday’s mail, which according to its paperwork was sent more than three weeks ago. I find this hard to believe but I'm sure you will conveniently blame the post office. Who knows. Just in case an actual human ever reads this, I want you to know that I like the merchandise so well I was planning to order more. However, because of the nonresponsiveness of your so-called customer service, I will never buy anything from you again. I will also tell any number of other people not to buy from you.

If the problem has been that your customer service is geared to the telephone, all I can do is remind you that this is 2009 and smart companies do business in numerous formats. The only reason I ordered my bras over the telephone is that the sale price on your website was higher than in the paper catalog. Which strikes me as utterly ludicrous. Where do your costs lie, in printing thousands of wasteful catalogs that end up in thousands of landfills, or in producing a web site?
In annoyance,

Later that day:
Subject: Thank you for your inquiry. (KMM7411890I15977L0KM)
We have received your email. Your email is in queue to be answered by the next available agent. We will respond to you as soon as possible.

Still later:
Date: Sun, 8 Feb 2009
Subject: Acknowledgement and Apology (KMM7419853I15977L0KM)
Dear Customer,
Thank you for contacting us one more time.

We do apologize that you have been given such poor service. This being Sunday, the Customer Service Department is closed so I just wanted you to know your message has been sent top priority for action or response tomorrow. We really don't want to lose you as a customer.

We try to keep the prices the same in the catalog and on the website. However, the catalogs are printed several months in advance and therefore, price increases and decreases may not be reflected in catalogs as quickly as they can be on our website. As always, you are given the opportunity to order online and use the catalog.To get the price listed in the catalog, please click on the "Catalog Quick Order" at the bottom of your screen. Key in the DC #, click on submit and then key in the item description, size, color and dollar amount shown in the catalog.

Thank you for corresponding with ---.com.
Sincerely,Wendy

Monday passed.

Tuesday, 2/10
Well, Wendy, if you actually exist, I thank you for your response. It even gave me a bit of hope that my "message has been sent top priority for action or response tomorrow." Silly me. Of course there was no response the next day. So you may still count me among your former customers, not because of your merchandise or prices, but solely because of your customer service, and really, it hurts to even call it that. Good bye ---.com; and Wendy, if I were you I'd be looking for a better place to work.

Tue 2/10/09
We have received your email. Your email is in queue to be answered by the next available agent. We will respond to you as soon as possible.

Wed 2/11/09
Dear Customer,
Thank you for your recent e-mail letting us know that you have not received part of your order. Our records show that your delivery time is up. Therefore, we have processed a replacement to be shipped to you. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Let us know if we can be of further assistance. Thank you for corresponding with ---.com.
Sincerely, Leandrea

Dear ---.com: I have received your email. Your email is in queue to be answered by my next available alternate persona. We will respond to you as soon as possible.

Thu 2/12/09
Dear Customer,
Thank you for your e mails. We apologize for our delay and your inconvenience. Thank you for letting us know that the initial shipment did arrive. They had reshipped a replacement and it should arrive tomorrow. Please keep the extra shipment, complimentary for all of the inconvenience. Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.
Sincerely, Wanda

Dear Wanda,
Thank you so much for the complimentary bra. You can be of no further assistance, and rest assured I will not be bothering your company ever again. I am going back to shopping on driveways.
Sincerely,
The Queen of Fifty Cents